"The
most important factors in the life of their children
are not the school, the television set, the playmates,
or the neighborhood, but what the parents cherish,
what they hate and what they fear."
-Thomas Hora
As parents, we do our best. Truth
is, good parenting is not intuitive. It is a learned skill.
When adults first hear this, they sometimes react defensively,
as if this is an attack on their intelligence and commitment
as parents. It is not. Parents need not be embarrassed in recognizing
that healthy, effective communication is learned. Parent Fitness® Training ™ teaches parents specific intervention and communication
skills that will help a child transition from a troubled phase
to a triumphant feeling of well being.
With
the outside pressures and social influences in family life
today, parents often feel pushed to their limits and unfortunately
teach their children behavior lessons through screaming, nagging,
name calling, sarcasm, threats and over- the- top consequences.
Anytime we react to behavior in our children that we dislike
in ourselves, we need to proceed with extreme caution. The
dynamics of unintentended family tension, gone unnoticed,
have ways of repeating themselves. With that in mind, I often
remind parents.... words, like certain medicines, have side
effects!
No parent today would argue that we live
in a complex world. The reach of today's popular culture and
events has traveled from our newsrooms to our classrooms.
Teachers and parents struggle to know what to let in and what
to keep out. While that debate will continue for sometime,
there is no doubt that the family system, remains the essential
force in guiding the developmental character and values in
a child's life. Every parent wants their child to live a happy
life. However, each parent has different ways of influencing
that prospect.
In order for these changes to take place,
parents must make extra efforts to evaluate themselves in
relation to how and what they communicate to their children.
Over 40 years ago, Haim Ginott, a great pioneer in the field
of parent-child communication used to say, "If a child
feels right, he acts right." As parents, we communicate
hundreds of subtle meta messages each week to our children.
They extend from how we help with homework, to how we communicate
when misbehavior continues, and limits are broken. Too soon,
inconsistent reactive patterns affect the well being of our
children. The fundamental role of a parent is guidance. Moralizing,
sarcasm and lecturing is the fastest way to have your child
shut down. Brevity is key. In my training, you will learn
how to communicate with less energy in less time. If you can
say it in twenty words, say it in ten. If you can say it in
10 words say it in 5.
